I’m not gonna sugar coat it for you cos that’s not my style.
The only single reason that going to fail at birth is – if you consider birth to be a pass/fail event.
I will just let you sit with that for a moment
If you THINK for one moment that an unplanned cesarean means ‘failure’.
If you BELIEVE that wanting a natural birth and then changing your mind at the last minute and asking for all the drugs means you’ve ‘failed’ .
If you for one second think that anything OTHER than your blue sky birth plan not playing out for you, means failure.
And I totally get it. We are measured by our performance from a very early age. Even pre school.
Tests, exams that dictate your opportunity for employment or further education, your driving test, sales performance bonuses…you get my drift?
Birth is a pivotal experience in our lives. Arguably THE most important day in our life’s. You want to look back on that day and remember it for all the right reasons.
The stakes are high and we are open to disappointment and this is more likely if we are rigid in our view of what a positive birth can look like.
Some of the medical terms and language that we encounter along the way doesn’t help either
‘’Failure to progress’’ “incompetent cervix” “poor maternal effort”
(I know – we have the patriarchy to thank for those absolute fucking gems!)
Our care providers have a duty to think about the impact this might have on a birthing mum who hears these terms.
Birth is not a driving test or an exam. You don’t get a grade or a score or constructive criticism at the end of it from your midwife.
A positive birth outcome is something that YOU get to decide and no one else.
Who’s not to say that you can’t have a great induction or an amazing cesarean. In fact, the most wonderful birth stories I’ve read, both from my in-person clients and on the web have been the ones that don’t go to plan. They are both powerful and empowering.
That’s not to say they weren’t hard work or demanding but that the Mama was able to look back on that experience as positive despite all of the challenges that were presented.
My heart goes out to anyone who feels less than happy about their birth and there are of course lots of factors at play here that we can’t control (and are certainly not our fault)
Let’s start with something we can influence though, your mindset
Take an honest look at your mindset towards birth.
Do you have one definitive idea of what birth MUST look like for you to be a success? Or are you open to other possibilities and outcomes?
A positive mindset is the first of several steps towards creating a positive birth experience even when it goes off plan.
Changing your mindset is not like flicking a switch or a waving magic wand, it takes practice and time but it IS possible and it starts now.
So are you going to continue putting your idea of the ‘perfect’ birth on a pedestal?
Or are you ready to take the next step towards the best birth you could wish for?